There are a lot of reasons why people are angry or why they grow up to be rageaholics.
Here are some of them:
1. They were physically, verbally, or sexually abused as a child and they stored up the rage inside, letting it out as an adult when they finally feel ”safe”
2. They felt unloved or abandoned as a child, either through their parents’ separation, an absent parent, or the death of a parent, and act out that childhood rage as adults when they meet people who love them.
3. They felt powerless as a child they had alcoholic parents they couldn’t save; they watched helplessly as one parent abused the other; they never had permission to express their feelings and as adults, they compensate for that powerlessness by controlling others with their anger.
If a child experiences any of the situations mentioned, he will naturally feel enormous sadness and grief. If he is unable to fell rage at that time, it will surface years later as rage in adults. This is why, according to psychologists, trying to control one’s angry behavior is useless therapy; repressed grief from childhood gets acted out as rage in adults.
The anger is a symptom (though totally unacceptable) of the regeaholic’s deep hurt and sadness. Treating anger without understanding the cause is a temporary and dangerous solution. Traditional talk or psychotherapy will not be an adequate form of help for someone suffering from chronic anger. Hitting punching bags, screaming into pillows to strike out and inner-child work will be essential ingredients in helping a person transform his anger into grief and finally into healing.
IS YOUR PARTNER A RAGEAHOLIC?
Dealing with an angry partner is like dealing with a time bomb. You will never know when it’s going to explode. If your partner has a problem with anger, you adapt your behavior to the situation, editing yourself so as not to upset your partner.
Here are some warning signs that your partner may have a serious problem with anger:
· When you disagree with him, he responds with shouting, name calling threats, or other overactive behavior.
· Your partner has very little patience, and becomes extremely annoyed if he has to wait for services, drive behind a slow vehicle, get put on hold on the phone, listen to you explain things, etc.
· When you ask your partner to do simple tasks, he becomes defensive and rebellious.
· When you give your partner any feedback whatsoever about how his behavior affects you, he interprets it as an attack and viciously attacks back.
· Your partner gets very angry when little things don’t go id way, and takes it out on the people around him.
· Your partner acts out his anger by slamming doors, hanging up on you on the phone, storming out of rooms, leaving the house, sleeping on the couch at night, etc.
· Your partner can switch from a seemingly loving and warm mood to an angry mood within seconds.
· Your partner is quick to yell at you or put you down if you are not doing what he wants you to do, or if he feels you made a mistake
· Your partner often raises his voice or become angry in public places—restaurants, shopping malls, friends’ homes, etc.
· Your partner expresses his anger physically, hitting or throwing objects.
No one turns into a rageaholic overnight. You’ll see signs of difficulty similar to the list above in the beginning of your relationship. They are like sparks that tell you the fire is sure to follow. Don’t ignore the warning signs that indicate your partner has an anger problem.
Trust your gut instinct, and don’t let yourself be intimidated or talked out of your feelings. If a few of these signs fit your partner, you need to take action immediately to confront the problem and insist your partner get help. If most of these statements fit your partner, get out of this relationship now.